Mugged In A Strip Club

Ok so I said I would tell you a story about when I got mugged

on my birthday

in a strip club

in Soho.

Here goes…

We were booked onto a psychology conference as part of my A level course.

The whole class travelled up on the bus together

but when we arrived, they went one way (into the venue)

and me and the lads went the other (into London on a tube).

It was my 19th birthday and I had plans to do some shopping

and had all my birthday money with me, which amounted to about 200 quid.

Into London we went and got ourselves into the first pub we saw.

We had a few pints but the pub was quiet, so we decided to change locations.

Your not gonna believe me when I tell you…

but we walked around the corner and realised we were slap bang in the middle of Soho, the red light district. (honest mistake right?)

Happy days…

As we walked passed the many of the fine establishments and were approached with special offers to enter and view their wares.

After getting our confidence up with a few £1 peep shows we started talking to this “lady” standing at the door of a strip club.

She told us we could have a private strip show (for my birthday) and it was £15 each.

I had a quick look around at the boys and we all nodded in agreement that it seemed a good deal and met our budget for seeing boobies.

The deal was done, and were led laughing and joking into this dark and dingy little club.

Once inside we were taken to the smallest room you have ever seen

and the half a dozen or so of us squeezed on to a couple of sofas.

The “hostess” kept saying “read that notice”.

So eventually I picked up this plastic display stand and read the notice.

It went something like this…

“You have incurred the standard rate of our hostess, which is charged at £500.”

That’s when the trouble started.

I started to protest and said fuck this and tried to leave.

“You can’t leave without paying. SECURITY” she shouted.

Then this massive black guy appeared and blocked the entire doorway.

It’s fair to say we were shitting ourselves.

They made us all stand up and went through our pockets and took what money we had.

Some of the boys ended up being robbed of £50

I think I had about £35 taken from me if I remember rightly (and didn’t see any boobs).

Luckily I had my birthday money in my sock or that would have been robbed too. Never ended dong any shopping, funny that.

What’s the moral of today’s story?

There are a couple:

1. Good habits can save you money, like when I keep mine in my sock.


2. When a deal seems too good to be true……

(ALL TOGETHER NOW)….. It probably is 😉

Rich “serves me right” Clarke

PS – After we left the club we were a bit shaken so the boys got some cash out of the hole in the wall and we went to the nearest pub for another pint or three.

On our way back to the tube we were full of dutch courage

and anger at the fact we had been robbed.

We walked past the club again and the whore on the door (as she was now known) saw us and scarpered inside.

Now with it being November time she had been sat by a heater by the door

one of the ones with those heated bars that glowed.

Without much thought I walked up to the heater and I kicked it down the corridor.


And there were sparks flying everywhere.

And then we ran like fuck.

And then we laughed like mad.

PPS – If you haven’t seen them yet I have 4 new testimonials from my

lovely ladies, check them out here:

At the minute we are taking applications for MAY & JUNE.


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